As much as I love living in the UK – it feels more like home than the US ever did – I still struggle with the fact that my family is an entire ocean away (and then some in the case of my dad). On the plus side, it provides my mom and sister with a wonderful opportunity to travel (when they can scrape the airfare together and get adequate time off work); they’ve been for a visit twice now, the first time for my marriage and the second time just after Dylan was born. When people ask me what I miss most about the States, I always respond that I miss my mom (who for so long was my best friend) and the food (the British simply haven’t got the hang of cooking a steak properly).
The distance has become much more problematic since Dylan’s arrival. My mom has been calling up to three times a week, asking about her grandson, wanting us to hold the phone to him so that she can talk to him and hopefully be rewarded with a coo (or at the very least a raspberry). My sister’s frequent emails begin with how much she misses her nephew. And my dad, who I’ve never been close to and until recently spoke to rarely, has been emailing weekly and signing off as “Grandpa” – it hurts me that he hasn’t held his grandson yet, and is unlikely to before Dylan’s first birthday.
And this is where modern technology becomes a godsend. Within a week, both Grandma and Grandpa have bought and installed webcams, mikes and Skype. We spent almost 2 hours talking to my dad and his partner this afternoon, holding the camera so he could see Dylan; never have I seen my dad smile so much or for so long. He also requested the mike be held to Dylan’s ear so that he could coo and babble at his grandson. As soon as we’d hung up, my mother was calling, and (wonder of wonders) my stepfather was right there beside her, taking an active interest in Dylan and tentatively referring to himself as grandpa. (For those familiar with my relationship with my stepdad, this is an amazing turn of character!) Whenever we shifted the camera closer to Dylan, both of them would lean forward, totally fixated on the wriggling creature in Dave’s arms.
As difficult as it is for me to be so far from my family, I can only imagine how hard it must be for my parents, unable to have that tangible, physical connection with their first grandchild; unable to hold him and watch him grow by increments; unable to imprint their faces and their unique touches upon his memory. My dad talks about taking Dylan for a ride on his motorcycle, and I know my mom would like nothing better than to hold him in her arms. And yet, through the use of webcams and Skype, we can maintain a more thorough form of contact than that afforded by telephone calls and emails. While it’s not the ideal situation, I still end the video calls with a lighter heart and grinning like a maniac. The joy on my parents’ faces at being able to see Dylan is its own reward.
Do I still want to smash my computer into bits and pieces from time to time? Hell, yes! But I am also mindful that this mischievous little machine ensures that physical distance is no barrier to maintaining family ties.
Mad Yankee 